 B |
| Babbling Brook | Crook | He's always on the babble. Planning something crooked. |
| Babbling Brook | Cook | My missus couldn't babble to save her life. See also Crook. |
| Bacon and Eggs | Legs | Lovely set of bacons. |
| Bacon Rind | Blind | Are you completely bacon? |
| Bacon Sarnie | Pakistani | They've hired a new bloke at the shop - he's a bacon. |
| Bag of Fruit | Suit | |
| Bag of Sand | Grand | He owes me a bag. |
| Bag of Yeast | Priest | |
| Baked Bean | Queen (Elizabeth II) | |
| Baked Potato | Later | I'll see ya baked. |
| Baker's Dozen | Cousin | |
| Bale of Hay | Gay | Don't bother Britany - he's bale. |
| Bale of Straw | Raw | |
| Ball of Chalk | Walk | After a heavy meal I like quick ball round the square. |
| Balloon Car | Saloon Bar | I'll be at the balloon. |
| Band of Hope | Soap | |
| Bangers and Mash | Cash | I knew his cheques were dodgy, so I got him to pay me in bangers. |
| Bar | 1000000 | |
| Barclays Bank | Wank | He's having a barclays. |
| Barn Owl | Row (argument) | Went up to the dole office. 'Ad a bit of a barney with the geezer behind the desk. |
| Barnaby Rudge | Judge | I'm up in front of the Barnaby tomorrow morning. |
| Barnet Fair | Hair | She must be going out - she's got her Barnet done. |
| Barney Marlin | M'Darlin | |
| Barney Rubble | Trouble | Stay away from him. He's really Barney. |
| Barry Crocker | Shocker | |
| Barry Mcguigan | Biggun (big one) | |
| Barry White | Shite (shit) | I need a Barry White. |
| Basil Fawlty | Balti | |
| Basil Fawlty | 40 | |
| Basin of Gravy | Baby | |
| Bat and Wicket | Ticket | I've got a bat for tonight's train. |
| Battle Cruiser | Boozer (liquor store) | I've got to get to the battle before I go to the party. |
| Battle of Waterloo | Stew | |
| Bazaar | Bar | |
| Beans on Toast | Evening Post | Go and buy the beans on toast will you son. |
| bear's paw | Saw | |
| Beecham's Pill | Bill (statement) | I got my Beecham's from the tax people. |
| Beecham's Pill | Still | |
| Bees and Honey | Money | Can't go in there without any bees. |
| Bee's Knees | Business | |
| beggar my neighbour | Labour | |
| Ben Cartwright | Shite | |
| Bended Knees | Cheese | |
| Bengal Lancer | Chancer (not qualified) | News paper adds would state no bengal lancers when advertising for tradesmen. |
| Benny Hills | Pills | |
| Bernard Matthew | Queue | |
| Bernie Flint | Skint | |
| Bernie Winter | Printer | |
| Betty Grable | Table | |
| Bexley Heath | Teeth | |
| Biffo the Bear | Hair | Me biffo's not looking the best today. |
| Big Ben | Ten | |
| Big Dippers | Slippers | |
| Bill Murray | Curry | |
| Billie Jean | Clean | |
| Billie Piper | Windshield Wiper | |
| Billies Bunter | Punters | |
| Billy Goat | Throat | I've got a sore billy goat. |
| Bin Lid | Quid | |
| Bird Lime | Time | What's the bird? |
| Bird's Nest | Chest | I had to punch him in the bird's nest. |
| Biscuit and Cookie | Rookie | |
| Biscuit Tin | Chin | He's got a big biscuit. |
| Biscuits and Cheese | Knees | I've been on my biscuits all day. |
| bladder of lard | Card | |
| Blood Red | Head | She likes to give blood. |
| Blushing Bride | Girl Guide | |
| Bo Diddley | Kidney | Me bo's are giving me gyp. |
| Boat Race | Face | Nice legs, shame about the boat. Also a good song by The Monks. |
| Bob | 1 Shilling (5 pence) | |
| Bob Cryer | Liar | Shut up you Bob - yer talking out yer aris. |
| Bob Hope | Dope (marijuana) | I think he's been smoking a bit of Bob Hope. |
| Bob Hope | Soap | |
| Bob McNab | Cab | |
| Bob Squash | Wash | |
| Bobble Hat | Laugh | |
| Bobby & Dick | Sick | |
| Bobby Moore | Sure | |
| Bobby Moore | Score | You know the Bobby. Bobby Moore was a great footballer who died in 1993. |
| Boiler House | Spouse | Me boiler's always yammerin' on. |
| Bonney Fair | Hair | She's got beautiful shiny bonney. |
| Boom and Mizzen | Prison | e's off to the boom for a bit. |
| Bo-Peep | Sleep | What I need is a good bo-peep. |
| Borassic Lint | Skint (broke) | He's right boric. |
| Boris Karloff | Cough | That's a nasty old boris you've got there son. |
| Boris the Bold | Cold | |
| Born and Bred | Bed | |
| Bottle and Glass | Arse | I gave him a good kick up the bottle. |
| Bottle and Glass | Class | |
| Bottle and Stopper | Copper (Police Officer) | |
| Bottle of bass | Gas | |
| Bottle of Glue | 2 | |
| Bottle of porter | Daughter | |
| Bottle of Sauce | Horse | |
| Bottles and Stoppers | Coppers (police) | Blimey - I think the bottles are on to me! |
| Boutrous Gali | Charlie (cocaine) | |
| Bow and Arrow | Sparrow | Little bow and arrow fell out of the nest. Usually the full slang expression is used. |
| Bow and Arrow | Barrow | |
| Bow and Arrows | Farrahs (trousers) | Nice pair of bow and arrows. Use your best Cockney accent here. |
| Bowl of Fruit | Suit | Are you wearing your bowl of fruit tonight? |
| Bowler Hat | Chat | Let's get together for a bowler. |
| Box of Toys | Noise | Hold your box - they can hear you miles away! |
| Brace and Bits | Tits (breasts) | Blimey - what a brace! |
| Brad Pitt | Shit | I right need a Brad Pitt. |
| Brahms and Liszt | Pissed (drunk) | He's well Brahms and Liszt , don't give him any more to drink. |
| Brass Tacks | Facts | Ere, you've got your brass wrong! |
| Bread & Jam | Van | |
| Bread and Butter | Gutter | Found him laying in the bread and butter. Usually full slang expression is used. |
| Bread and Cheese | Sneeze | I hate allergies - one good bread after another. |
| Bread and Honey | Money | Let's drink with him - he's got bread. This one has enjoyed very common usage. |
| Bread knife | Wife | |
| Brenda Lee | Key | Where's me brenda's? |
| Brian Clough | Rough | |
| Bricks and Mortar | Daughter | |
| Brigham Young | Tongue | |
| Bright and Breezy | Easy | |
| Brighton Pier | Queer (homosexual) | That blokes a bit of a Brighton. |
| Briney Marlin | Darlin' | You look lovely tonight, me old briney. |
| Bristol Cities | Titties (breasts) | She's got a lovely pair of Bristols. |
| Bristol Pistol | Brassiere | |
| British Rail | Mail | |
| Brittney Spears | Beers | ow about a Brittney? |
| Brixton Riot | Diet | |
| Bromley by bow's | Toes | |
| Brown Bread | Dead | I'm telling you, mate. He's brown bread |
| Bruce Lee's | Keys | Have you seen me brucies? |
| Brussel Sprout | Shout | |
| Brussel Sprouts | Scouts | He's always been a brussel. |
| Bubble and Squeak | Greek | E's not a bad bloke for a bubble. |
| Bubble and Squeak | Week | |
| Bubble Bath | Laugh | You're 'avin a bubble aren't ya? |
| Bucket and Pail | Jail | One drink too many and I get seven days in the bucket. |
| Bugle | Nose | |
| Bugs Bunny | Money | I've got some Bugs bunny in me sky rocket and I'm off down the rub-a-dub-dub. |
| Bull and Cow | Row (argument) | Had a right bull with my misses last night. |
| Bullock's Horn | Pawn (as in-pawn) | |
| Bungle & Zippy | Nippy | |
| Bunny | Talk | |
| Burnt Cinder | Window | Close the bloody burnt. This works if you mispronounce window... winda - and cinder... cinda as any good Englishman would. |
| Burton on Trent | Rent | They've raised my burton again. |
| Bushel and Peck | Neck | He's got a bushel like tree trunk. |
| Bushey Park | Joke | |
| Bushey Park | Lark | |
| Buster Keaton | Meetin' (meeting) | We'll see you at the Buster. |
| Butcher's Hook | Look | Here - take a butcher's at this. |